COMMUNICATION
Self-Awareness and Self-Control
The behaviours in the table below show how you can demonstrate the skill of Self-Awareness and Self-Control at each of the competency levels in which it appears. Click on the plus sign to show the behaviours at that level.
Level 1
- Is self-aware, authentic, and confident in most situations, gaining the attention of others and maintaining their interest even over long periods of time.
- Is discreet - knows when to speak and when not.
- Stays positive when others disagree or challenge, criticise, or are in conflict; understands and controls own emotional reactions.
Resources
Below you will find learning resources to help you develop the skill of Self-Awareness and Self-Control. Click on the links to access the resources.
The ‘Ideal Actual Ought’ model is a tool that outlines three different ways of viewing ourselves: the ‘Ideal’ (how you would like to be); the ‘Actual’ (how you really are); and the ‘Ought’ (how you feel you should be). When these three identities don’t align (for example, you would ideally be more organised, but you’re actually quite disorganised) it can cause stress, distractions, and behaviours that negatively impact you. Becoming aware of how you view yourself in these different ways will help you address these problems, enabling you to become more effective, focused, and calm.
Trust Your Emotions!
This PDF explains what emotions are physiologically and how we notice/process them, before explaining how we can use this information to manage them in ourselves and others.
Be Logical!
This PDF covers the logical levels of information, a system we unconsciously use to categorise significance and impact (environmental up to identity). It will help you to understand the impact of how we say things, as well as give more intentional and specific feedback to get the most out of your team.
Assert Yourself
If you find yourself habitually too aggressive or passive/non-assertive, or have someone in your team who is, this PDF will help you to consciously shift towards a more productive balance of self and others, and/or help others to do so, as it explains what assertion is and how to achieve it.
Managing Challenges Effectively - Serenity Prayer
Use this to help you gain perspective over what you are able to control and change, and what is beyond your control.
Circle of Concern
This PDF covers a technique to identify the areas in your life that are causing you stress and assess how much control you have over them. It will help you to get some perspective on problems, taking action or letting go where appropriate.
Managing Your Inner Dialogues
This PDF looks at how our inner dialogues affect our performance, specifically how they can make us act aggressively, assertively, or non-assertively. It provides tips on how to change our inner dialogues so that they help rather than hinder us.
The Chimp Brain
Dr Steve Peters’ model of the Chimp brain explains simply the primitive drivers behind some of our more problematic behaviours and what we can do to manage them. These drivers can be, and often are, challenged at work, leading to outbursts, arguments, and sometimes physical confrontations. Every person has a Chimp and is susceptible to these problems, but if we learn to recognise what is happening and how to manage the results, we can reduce the negative outcomes.
The Human Brain
Following on from Dr Steve Peters’ model of the Chimp brain, as outlined in the PDF ‘The Chimp Brain’, this PDF looks at how the Human brain works i.e. how we are when we have logical and regulated emotional thinking, and how we stay in that state as much as possible.
Managing the Chimp
Following on from Steve Peters’ model of the Chimp brain, as outlined in the PDF ‘The Chimp Brain’, this PDF looks in more depth at how to manage your Chimp and control unwanted emotional responses. It describes several ways in which you can do this. These techniques also help regulate and manage other people’s strong emotional reactions.
Talking to the Chimp
Following on from Steve Peters’ model of the Chimp brain, as outlined in the PDF ‘The Chimp Brain’, this PDF covers the ways in which we talk to our Chimp and how that affects our reactions. It covers some helpful ways of speaking, not only to the Chimp, but also to other people, that are more balanced, reasonable, and fair, and that will lead to better responses.
Nurturing the Chimp
Following on from Steve Peters’ model of the Chimp brain, as outlined in the PDF ‘The Chimp Brain’, this PDF covers ways in which you can take care of your Chimp long-term so that it causes problems less often and is altogether happier.
Categories of Negative Emotion
This PDF will help you to begin to notice what kind of negative emotions you are experiencing at work and to choose particular coping strategies depending on which negative emotions you are experiencing.
VIDEOS
Trust Your Emotions
This video systematically explains what emotions are, what they are made up from, how they work, and why they matter. It will especially help you if you are worried by emotions, think they show weakness, or lose respect if someone else appears to be ‘emotional’. Emotions are signals of threat or reward, so it’s really helpful to understand them, regulate and balance them. This is possible for you and for others when you pay attention to and trust your emotions.
Be Logical
This video explains how you automatically organise information about yourself into a logical hierarchy of importance and how the type of statement you make to others, or to yourself about yourself can affect how you feel and how you respond. For example, it’s best to make positive comments at the highest ‘Identity’ level “you are…” and to make critical comments at the lowest specific level such as ‘Behaviour’ or ‘Method’. Understanding these levels will give you greater control over how you communicate with others and will enable you to help yourself, or someone else to change their behaviour.
Assert Yourself
This video provides an explanation of a fundamentally important approach and mindset, being assertive, and how you or others might adopt a less helpful one of being non-assertive, aggressive, or avoiding. You will learn how to recognise the different approaches, if you need to adjust how you behave and what you say to project a more assertive/collaborative stance towards others, especially if they are using an unhelpful approach towards you.
Be Your Best Self
This video explains three different ways of viewing ourselves: the ‘Ideal’ (how you would like to be); the ‘Actual’ (how you really are); and the ‘Ought’ (how you feel you should be). When these three identities don’t align (for example, you would ideally be more organised, but you’re actually quite disorganised) it can cause stress, distractions, and behaviours that negatively impact you. Becoming aware of how you view yourself in these different ways will help you address these problems, enabling you to become more effective, focused, and calm.
The Neuroscience of Confidence
This video (presented by a Professor of Applied Neuroscience) explains how the brain creates a feeling of trust in self and others. It shows you how trust and confidence play a very important role in many areas and skills and why this matters, especially if you are a manager or leader. Understanding these mechanisms, and following the advice given, will help you to develop greater trust and confidence in yourself and in others.
The Chimp Brain part 1
The Chimp Brain part 2
This video explains Dr Steve Peters’ model of the Chimp brain, the primitive drivers behind some of our more problematic behaviours, and what we can do to manage them. These drives can be, and often are, challenged at work, leading to outbursts, arguments, and sometimes physical confrontations. Every person has a Chimp and is susceptible to these problems, but this video will help you to learn to recognise what is happening and how it is possible to reduce the unhelpful triggers and behaviours.
The Human Brain
Following on from Dr Steve Peters’ model of the Chimp brain, as outlined in the video ‘The Chimp Brain’, this video looks at how the Human brain works, i.e. how we are when we have logical and regulated emotional thinking. You will learn why and how regulated thinking and behaviour is so helpful and also how to do it.
Managing the Chimp
Following on from Steve Peters’ model of the Chimp brain, as outlined in the video ‘The Chimp Brain’, this video looks in more depth at how to manage your Chimp and control unwanted emotional responses. It describes several ways in which you can do this. These techniques also help you to regulate and manage other people’s strong emotional reactions and bring them back to using their own ‘Human Brain’.
ON THE JOB ACTIONS
Awareness
Read and/or watch 'Assert Yourself!'. Consider the impact you have in interactions and be aware of your own body language and what it might be communicating to others. How might you change it to be more effective? Make sure that you start from an assertive position.
Pay attention to your response to others and identify what helped/hindered the situation; should you have adjusted your approach to allow them more input or said more yourself?
Understand Yourself
Read and/or watch 'Trust Your Emotions' to identify and calibrate any emotional responses that might be negatively affecting the impressions you create. 'Categories of Negative Emotions' also gives you a perspective from applied neuroscience.
Manage your Reactions
Read and/or watch 'Managing the Chimp'. Pay attention to any situation where you are feeling stressful emotions. Follow the steps Recognise, Understand, Empathise, Reassure, and Reframe to manage your Chimp. To understand the Chimp read and/or watch 'The Chimp Brain' and 'The Human Brain', 'Nurturing the Chimp' and 'Talking to the Chimp'.
Change Your Thoughts
Notice how you feel in situations as well as what you are thinking. Learn to use a positive inner dialogue to control your emotional reactions. Read 'Managing Your Inner Dialogues'. Another way of doing this is to read the 'Serenity Prayer'.
Read and/or watch 'Be Logical' so that you understand why it’s important to talk positively to yourself about your values and methods, and sense of self, and restrict any negative self-talk to behaviours only.
Build Your Confidence
Watch the video 'Be Your Best Self' to create an anchor for confidence. This makes positive changes to your brain, strengthens your sense of self, and is calming. You can reinforce this daily with very little effort. Read 'Ideal Actual Ought Model' for a written explanation of the ideas in the video 'Be Your Best Self'.
Build Your Confidence
Use the structured approach in the 'Build Your Confidence Workbook' to systematically create a sense of self at your best.
Prepare
For any difficult situation, analyse your 'Circle of Concern and Control' to bring the situation into perspective.
For a deeper self-analysis, watch the video 'The Neuroscience of Confidence' and pay attention to each aspect that makes up confidence. Address any of the areas where you have any concern following the advice given.